Lately, I have been really negative. Ask my mom, who has to hear the bulk of it because she’s my mother so by law, nothing I do can allow her to stop loving me. But I really need to widen my audience. If I have a thought and don’t share it across every social network platform does it still exist? Probably not, so I’m going to start blogging again.
My first post in a long time will be a list of my complaints. In no particular order, things that have been pissing me off lately:
- Smokers. If you are a smoker, I’m not sorry if this offends you because maybe what you need is someone to offend you into quitting that nasty habit. Smokers really piss me off because most of the time I am walking behind one of them when the wind blows. Did you know that having no friends takes the same amount of years off your life as a smoking addiction does? That’s why I can’t smoke, because then I would die sometime in my early 30s and I haven’t even been to the Mall of America yet.
- The Real Housewives. Listen, I watch a lot of really trashy TV. I own a tote bag with the faces of the Kardashians printed on it and I can listen to Danielle Jonas slur her words in marathon form for hours. I can understand the comedic value of Snooki being so drunk she pees behind a bar but what I cannot understand are the Real Housewives. If I wanted to see ugly women arguing irrationally, I’d have paid more attention to my Facebook feed during the election. Also, why do they have so many reunions? Isn’t it just a union at this point if it happens every week? And why does Andy Cohen have to rehash what we just watched every time the show ends? It’s not like the arguments they just had were so sophisticated we need someone to explain it to us.
- Rich people. You know what I like about rich kids? Nothing. I am surrounded by them at my expensive private college and they are all hipsters. Do you have any idea how costly it is to dress like you’re homeless? I sold my CAR to pay for THIS semester, and I’m walking around using 1 ply toilet paper in the school bathrooms and hanging out in class with girls wearing ripped up leggings that cost more than my entire outfit. I’m sorry, what? I worked harder than you to get here and you still get to have more fun than I do? I know this is building character or something but I would trade in all my character for a Kate Spade bag.
- Subtweeters. You are literally taking time out of your day to find something vague to say about someone else in 140 characters or less. If you have a complaint about me and it only takes you 140 characters to express it, I’m not really worried about it and you shouldn’t be either. Some people have real problems, like the kind that take more room than Facebook allows you for a status to explain.
- And while we’re at it, people who ask questions on Facebook that they could easily Google. Are your fingers broken? No? Then don’t ask the Facebook community to tell you what time Glee is on or if there’s anywhere good to eat in your zipcode.
- People threatening to move because they are displeased with the outcome of the election. I will help you pack. If you aren’t happy with our president, Beyonce said you’re wrong. If Beyonce says it, it is law.
- People who don’t like One Direction because they are One Direction. I realize British boybands are far too mainstream for you, but let me refer you to the Little Things video. Tell me it didn’t make you want to weep openly.
And also, the other day Panera ran out of bread bowls. I had to eat my soup in a regular bowl like I was at home or something. It pissed me off, so I just wanted to mention it.
You can expect blogs much more frequently from now on – and I promise most of them will be more cheery than this one. :)