I will admit it: not so long ago, I didn’t understand yoga pants. I don’t even DO yoga.
I am not someone who has a lot of tolerance for people who are lazy as far as their physical appearance goes, and especially in how they dress. If you’re going out in public, you should look like you at least attempted to look presentable in front of the dozens of strangers you’re going to face.
In fact, yesterday I left the house in pink polka dotted PJ pants to go pick up breakfast with my boyfriend. When we got there and the drive thru was packed and he wanted to go inside to get our food, I refused to get out of the car. He could not understand why, claiming that the place we were at was on par with Waffle House, and even he would go into Waffle House in PJ pants. Then he proceeded to claim he would go into Waffle House in short shorts and nothing else.
I highly doubt this, but if the opportunity ever presents itself I promise to document the results.
Anyway, I have always been of the Leggings Are Not Pants camp and assumed yoga pants, which look a lot like leggings, also fell into that category.
Ah, but THEN.
THEN I started working out for the first time this past fall, since I had always been meaning to and I had a gym about two centimeters from the exit of my building at school in New York and no friends to hang out with who would occupy my time, so there was truly no excuse. I started going and LOVED it, but I did not have the proper outfit to work out in (when I say working out I mean walking on the treadmill while watching episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians in order to distance myself from my nutty roommate while she was home).
So I bought a pair of really cute Nikes and my very first pair of yoga pants, and my life changed overnight.
That first pair was from Target. Which were fine, but I mean, completely amateur hour. I have since moved up to the Victoria’s Secret Pink variety – THEY ARE SO CUTE – and am now living large. Probably larger than before I started wearing yoga pants in the first place, because without jeans that get tight when I eat too much, I have no measure of my food intake other than “I feel full” and “I feel full, but I COULD eat another cheeseburger.”
Why am I in love with yoga pants? Well, there are a few reasons.
My boyfriend informs me that yoga pants are beloved by the entire male race, as they make the female butt look really good.
You know what else they do? They make your stomach appear way flatter.
And you know what else? THEY’RE COMFY.
So comfy, in fact, that after spending a day in them, you will put on jeans and think, “why have I been subjecting myself to this denim torture for years?”
When I began living at home again in December and my parents saw how often I wore my yoga pants, they mocked me. They said, “those aren’t pants.” While I was (understandably) offended, I understood. It’s okay, parents. I understand. Just months ago, I was just like you. But I was young then. I didn’t know.
Never mind the fact that not so long ago I introduced my mother to cardigans and she has never looked back. Don’t challenge my fashion judgment.
My advocacy for yoga pants is an ever constant process and spans generations. When my friend Christine visited me in New York, I talked her into buying a pair. Just last week, I convinced my little sister to buy HER first pair. She got the kind with the hidden pocket, which I do not have yet, and I could not possibly be more jealous. People far and wide are enjoying the benefits of yoga pants because of me, and I couldn’t be more proud.
Don’t feel like getting dressed but want to look just dressed enough to run to Target or Starbucks without feeling ashamed? Yoga pants.
Sick and headed to the doctor? Yoga pants.
On your period, bloated, and cranky? Yoga pants. It’s like a warm, loving hug for your legs.
Trying to catch the attention of your crush, but all your short skirts are in the laundry? Yoga pants, and then walk in front of him.
Just your average Tuesday? Yoga pants.
And I mean, I guess you could also wear them to the gym, and to, you know, do yoga.
Remember when Joey had to borrow Phoebe’s maternity pants when he attempted to eat an entire turkey on Thanksgiving? Had Joey known about yoga pants, his problems would have been solved.
And that’s reason enough for me to support the cause.