“A friendship between college girls is grander and more dramatic than any romance…”
Hannah Horvath had it right.
I may have had one and only one relationship (so what, I’m picky) but I’ve had more best friends than I can count on both hands. And toes. More friends between the ages of 5 and almost 25 who I had intense, secret sharing, trip taking, future planning, bracelet exchanging I’m your best friend and you are mine love affairs with than I could venture to imagine.
You assume the relationships will end, so you hold on tight to the friendships. Once you’ve imagined someone, at 8 or 18 or 24, to fill the role of one of your bridesmaids in your future wedding, that bond is final. It will never end.
But then, it does.
I’m kind of a friendship whore. I give everything to someone right out of the gate. If you say you’re my friend, if we put Emojis by each other’s names in our contacts, if you text me first, I will give you all my love and try so hard to be such a good friend to you… even if you don’t deserve it. You can have EVERYTHING — my clothes, the gas in my car as I drive you to places I don’t want to be, my trust, the last cookie, anything, just please, please be my friend.
And you know, I never learn? I don’t. I just keep hoping that, one of these days, someone will be the Lizzie to my Miranda and it will be for life.
And it’s funny, because I’m surprised every time someone lets me down and I find myself thinking, “you know, if Jennifer Lawrence were my best friend, she would never treat me like this.” I’m probably right. I don’t think she would.
The part that sucks the most is when a friendship ends and the other person just doesn’t care. You’re my friend, but not really — you just don’t want to say it. You’ll like my Instagram pictures, but I haven’t heard from you in two months. Thanks for the double tap, but all it would have taken was a text message or two every few days. Are you still alive? Do you care if I am?
And don’t be fooled: when someone says something that hurts your feelings and later reassures you that it “wasn’t meant to offend you,” it still counts. You’re allowed to ask people to stop and think before they speak, otherwise known as being a decent, semi-considerate person. I mean, you shouldn’t have to ask for that, but it is how it is.
My favorite part of the end of friendships in 2013 is the fact that their business is broadcast to you every way possible until you decide to cut them off. Suddenly, everything they do just makes you incredibly mad because it keeps popping up on your phone. And thanks to social media, they’re friends of friends of friends of friends with people you knew from mommy and me playgroup in 1992. There’s no such thing as a clean break.
It becomes exhausting when you listen and try to be sympathetic with someone who complains about a friend mistreating them but refuses to remove that person from their life. It’s even worse when that friend prioritizes that person above you. That’s when you know it’s time to get out.
Sometimes, it all comes down to the inevitable question: do I want friends who treat me like crap, or do I want to be alone? But if your friends treat you like crap, you’re already alone. It’s not “starting drama” if you’re speaking up about how you feel.
But I don’t regret anything. In fact, if I’m going to regret something, it might as well be being too nice to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
Hannah was right: it’s worse than a breakup, because you’re breaking up with the person who’s supposed to see you through those things.
Sometimes you get lucky like me and you realize you’re just focusing your attention on the wrong people — you actually do have good friends who love you, best friends like the ones on TV, but the bad ones make it easy to forget. I spent my weekend with my oldest, closest friend and if she can put up with me for ten years, then I am worthy of good, solid friendship. If I have people who get on planes and drive for hours to spend time with me, I am worthy of good, solid friendship. I already have it.
You shouldn’t settle for anything less than true love, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less than real friends.